Finding my way back...

If you are my family or close friend, you all know that lately I have been dealing with some spiritual confusion. Ive been lost and didn't know how to find my way back or even if I wanted to find my way back. When did I lose so much faith? When did I lose my way? I have no clue! My children and myself have all been baptized in the Catholic Church and I thought I did all the things that I was supposed to do as a mother to make sure my boys have the faith, but something wasn't right. The church we had been attending wasn't a good fit for our family. Nothing seemed right about it, really it seemed "confusing", that we were attending out of some social or morale obligation. I found a new church (Yosemite Church) and have only attended once with Gregory. It was such a wonderful experience. Even the Pastor recognized that we were new and welcomed us with open arms. Now instead of going every week, we've stopped going all together.

We have had to experience some transitional issues in the past 2 years and this is when I went off the deep end in my regards to my feelings about the Lord. I had just ended a 7 1/2 year relationship with someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I mean Gregory was just 8 yrs old when "M" and I met and now Gregory is 16. The question I had was... "If God exists, how could this be happening to me/us? How could he not save us? Our relationship ended on August 14, 2009 and I'm just now getting back on my feet.

After I lost my 7 1/2 yr relationship and going through the grieving process is when I recently discovered and realized that the Lord had been there all along, he is waiting for me/us with forgiveness. Being that it is November 1st, I have made a promise to myself and the Lord that I will again show up in his "house" and praise him! I need him and he needs me! This is going to be a reunion I have been hoping for, for such a long time.

I have made so many mistakes in my life, not being the person I truly was meant to be. Forgiving myself for my sins has been painful. Looking within myself, admitting my sins, praying and really forgiving myself has been excruciating. How could I ask Heavenly Father to forgive me if I could not first forgive myself? This peace and calmness within my heart is such a blessing, no longer carrying the negative feelings about myself and others that I had. Life is such a continual spiritual journey and I am learning every day. I am not naive in thinking that I am free from sin, I am not. The most beautiful part of this journey is seeing others in a new light and know the evil that lies within judging others and gossip.

I have found a new church! Is it a better fit? Yes. My job as a mother is teach my children to be morale, good people. I have peace that I am on the right path to living my life as my authentic self.

~Please keep Gregory and I in your thoughts and prayers...I Love you all!